Interview: 12.2007
INTERVIEW WITH CRUELLA
by Todd M. Richard
Editor's note: A shorter version of this interview originally appeared in the "In Tune" collumn of the December 2008 issue of Portland Magazine. It has been decided to run the entire unedited interview here.
What is a pretty girl like you singing heavy metal for?
Ha, that is a good question…Are you flirting with me?
Well, I had a bad case of “always a bridesmaid never a bride“. I had been singing back-up for local rock bands such as Black Apple (Twisted Roots members) and Swamp Witch Revival and what I really wanted was to be a front woman. I knew that my voice was unique and powerful enough be a lead vocalist and I set my sights to find the right band. I tried out for so many bands, never finding the right fit. My auditions with bands and individuals went on forever it seems… I would say for about a year.
Finally, I got a response from a post that I put out there from John Graveside (the founding member and primary song writer of By Blood Alone). He had a concept for a new band that he wanted to put together that included a female vocalist who would sing melodically and sultry partnered with biting guitars, darkly beautiful piano and thundering riffs. I came over to his home, descended into his basement and sang him a couple of tunes accapella (one of my own and the classic song “Stella by Starlight”). I impressed him so much that he asked me to join his band shortly there after. We wouldn’t take the name By Blood Alone until all of the members were in place. Our sound developed slowly and I would have to say that I did not expect to be singing in a Metal band, but I enjoyed singing so much and we all worked really well together.
All that it took to make it happen was a little power, presence and confidence.. You certainly can not be this meek girl and front a Prog Metal Band.
Truthfully, the music of your band, By blood Alone, is really very melodic and pretty. Do you think there’s a stigma associated with heavy metal as a tag or genre? How does and independent band fight such a widespread misconception?
I think that the face or guts of metal music is changing and evolving. It almost seems silly just to call a band Heavy Metal with out considering the myriad of sub-genre’s. Black Metal, Doom Metal, Dark Metal, Thrash Metal, Gothic Metal, Progressive Metal and at least a dozen more make up the landscape of Metal in these times. I certainly do not profess to be an expert by any means but If I were to put us somewhere in that sea of genre’s I would say that we are between progressive, gothic and dark Metal. I think that we are much more Hard Rock than metal…. But it is better not to open that can of creepy crawlies, MMMMMM…. Creepy crawlies.
Women are much more likely to front Metal bands these days as well. What my band is doing is not to different than what many European bands such as Nightwish, , Draconian, Lacuna Coil and Leaves Eyes have been doing for years. The contrast and dynamics of a female vocalist with powerful instrumentation commands attention. They just seem to work really well together. My band works really hard to change peoples misconceptions of what a metal band should sound like (in the States at least). We bring a bit of mystery and romanticism to the door of Metal and aim to surprise our audience by giving them a break from some of the drudgery that they may hear from some other contemporary metal artists. One hurdle that we still need to get over is the first impression that a promoter or booker may have of us before they listen to the CD.
Some of these people automatically think that I scream or roar and do not sing. Obviously once they listen to our CD it becomes blatantly apparent. Maybe it is just a case of them not being informed enough about the terrain of Metal. If a listener pops in our new CD “Seas of Blood” they will hear my vocal stylings that range anywhere from soul and gospel to opera and hard rock. That is how we fight misconceptions, by getting people to just listen to us and hear for themselves.
You describe the bands’ music as “B-Movie Horror” soundtracks. If we wanted to pick up a B-grade horror movie, turn down the volume and turn up one of your CD’s, which movie do you recommend.
I am not exactly sure how to answer this question, but I will give you three choices.
One of my favorites, Italian film “Planet of the Vampires:
Something cheesy, Troma film “ Chopper Chicks in Zombietown.”
And this one I really just think is so absurd and I just like saying the title out loud, “The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent”.
You are also a visual artist as well. How does your music and your visual art relate to each other? How and where do they intersect? Do they represent different aspects of you or your thoughts?
My visual art tends to take the same twisted and dark turns as my music does. They both have the same moody, macabre, romantic and emotional starting points. I am a huge horror fan and I am a bit of a science geek as well. My love of the grotesque is apparent in all my forms of art making. I installed a show in February of 2007 that was entitled “50 Hearts for 50 Loves”. It was comprised of 50 small encaustic paintings in which anatomical hearts were the subject. Sort of my interpretation of what a “Valentine’s” heart should be. When you give your heart to someone… shouldn’t it be your real one and not some cookie cutter standard of a heart?
This bend in the convention and romance is not unlike some of the subject matter I sing about in By Blood Alone’s songs “Eternally”, “Undead Friend” and “Dark Man”. A photo series that I am working on at the moment which is also apart of a show installed this October, incorporates images from Horror and Sci-Fi TV programs and movies. Horror themes constantly appear in my lyric writing for By Blood Alone. Zombies and Vampires and Death! OH MY! Make guest appearances all the time in By Blood Alone’s music.
One of the most fun intersections of my visual and music happened for the 2nd Annual Half-Way to Halloween Horror Ball. This event which is the brain child of both myself and Covered in Bee’s front man, Boo. We have such a love for Halloween and dressing up that we thought it would be great to have a Halloween party that wasn’t on Halloween. I was so excited about the theme we chose for the last party “Mars Attacks” That I spent at least 2 weeks straight constructing a set for our party. I transformed Geno’s into a Sci-Fi geeks wet dream. I built a huge spaceship to hover over the stage and hung 2 giant flashing 12 foot Robot Murals on both side walls. Also the inside of the stage looked like the interior of a spaceship. For weeks after the party, the spaceship remained so every band to play after the party could say “We performed our set in Geno’s Spaceship”. There is something that is so cool about taking over a gigantic space and transforming it into a new world.
That is one of the things I hope I do with my music as well…..To transport or welcome the audience into a different world. So I would have to say that the visual and the musical do not represent different aspects of me. Love, humor, tragedy, anger, beauty and the grotesque all delicately entwined in my twisted mind. I can’t escape their influence every day.
I would have to say, however, that whatever my new obsession is for the day, month or year will certainly be represented prominently in all of my art making during that time. And a very exciting endeavor that I have begun, that utilizes all of my creative outlets, is a book in which I will write, illustrate and create a sound track for.
You’ve also served as the booker for Geno’s the rock club on Congress St. How difficult is the balancing act between the artistic side (your band) and the business side (booking other peoples and promoting the club?) Have you found yourself in any tough spots as a result?
How can a job be so rewarding and thankless at the same time? It has been a very difficult rope to balance on…. Between promoter and artist. The benefit of being an artist and promoter is that you are able to create and nourish a musical vista. You are able to seek out other artists and invite them to perform in your own town! That is what made the job so fun. Giving new bands their first gig, bringing international bands to Geno’s stage, promoting local bands that I truly admire are all the gravy train of the job. I also had the experience of booking my own band for gigs at venues….. So I knew how hard it was to get gigs and dealing with shady and scumbag promoters. I wanted to make sure that all the bands I dealt with KNEW I wasn’t an unscrupulous booking agent. I care about the bands and about Geno’s and I want everyone to succeed.
But unfortunately here comes the problem of the double edged sword. How do I tell a band that they are not good enough to play Geno’s. I mean, music is subjective all art is subjective. Why should my opinion matter? My point is…. It really doesn’t. But, I had to make sure that Geno’s could pay it’s bills and It cannot do that if no one is in the club. Sometimes I would love and believe in a band so much only for them to play to an empty house. My artist side felt really bad for them, cause I know how hard it can be playing to and empty room. You get so excited for a gig and play your best show. You feel like you reached some of the audience with your music….. But there is nothing like playing to a big crowd, or at least a very intensely involved few.
My promoter side thought of everything that could have caused the bad attendance. Band didn’t do enough promotion? Club didn’t do enough promotion? It was the end of the month and no one had money to pay a cover? The band sucked? It was a constant balancing act. I would often take money out of my own pocket to make sure a band wouldn’t go home short changed. As a starving artist, I couldn’t afford to do that. I have been called everything from bitch to mentor, militant to sweetheart. I wouldn’t say that I found myself in any really tough spots. Maybe one screaming match and a few disagreements. But I can say one thing for certain, I am so glad I keep good records both in writing and emails. It is a good thing my artist side wasn’t in charge of that.
You’ve recently been diagnosed with cancer. What can you tell us about the cancer and your current state? How has this affected your music/art and your ability to create?
I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on 8/3/07, more specifically, Triple Negative Stage 2B Infiltrating Mammary Carcinoma with Metastasis in 3 Auxiliary Lymph Nodes. I am 37 years old.
I owe my discovery of my own breast cancer to bowling. Yes, bowling! Now really... Who can say that? My husband and I were invited to go bowling with our friends Cyndi and her girlfriend Nikki. Now, I am not the most in shape person. And I certainly didn’t really think that I needed to be in shape for bowling of all things. Well, It turns out… ya kinda do. I got home and was getting ready for bed, brushing my teeth and I noticed that my right side was a little sore. I started feeling around my right boob and realized that I pulled a friggin muscle BOWLING! Well, all this feeling of my right boob led to me feeling around on my left. I didn’t pull a muscle on my left side (cause I am right handed) but I did notice a sizable lump about 1 inch above my nipple.
It was a decent size about 3 cent across, hard, didn’t really move and it also didn’t hurt AT ALL when I pushed on it. I freaked out! I called my husband into the bathroom immediately and asked him to feel the lump. He said that he hadn’t noticed it before… and it seemed new to him. (Now my husband is a total boob guy and can’t keep his hands off them, so I knew he was a reliable person to ask!)
I joked the rest of the night about how I had breast cancer and I was going to die. He didn't like me joking about it and it drove Michael crazy. We both decided that It was a good idea to make an appointment at Planned Parenthood to get it checked… I was due for my annual anyway (I don't have health insurance and no primary doctor... so that was my only option).
I went to planned parenthood that following thurs. I had my annual GYN visit and the nurse checked my boobies. She didn’t seem overly concerned because 9 out of every 10 lumps are benign and not breast cancer. She made an appointment at Mercy Hospital in Portland, Maine.. for a mammogram a week later. I wasn’t overly concerned either, but my intuition told me that I had Breast Cancer. When I went for my appointment I had my mammogram. They looked at my results right away and told me that they wanted to do and ultra-sound right then because they did see something and wanted to have a more thorough test.
As I was lying on the ultrasound table….And from the expression (that the technician was trying to hide) I knew something was up.
Then I waited forever on the table for the doctor to come in after the test was over to tell me that he saw something “suspicious” and wanted me to have a biopsy the following week. I was worried.Then the biopsy…And 2 days later I was told by my new doctor that I did indeed have breast cancer. I was shocked, scared and a little numb. My husband took the news really badly. I went about my day, helping an artist install at Geno’s And I also had a gig with my band By Blood Alone that night. I decided that I needed to do the gig regardless of my news. I believe that that was the best I have ever sang on stage, and the rest of the band agreed.
Since my diagnosis I have had a partial mastectomy/lumpectomy and I am in the midst of Chemo Therapy with my final dose being given to me December 26th. I will wait a month and then it is 8 weeks of radiation therapy. So I am hoping to be done with my sucky treatments by springtime. Then I am on the road to recovery and I hope to keep the big “C” away from me forever.
There are a few good things that have come out of this stupid cancer: I eat better than I ever had. I am less stressed (I know that seems weird). I have more time to focus on my art. Really, I have more creative ideas floating around in my head than I ever have. My only limitations now are feeling well enough to create. The actual physicality of creating art can be a problem. But I seem to be doing good so far. I have written 2 songs, started a book and installed and created an entire art show. So I would have to say that cancer is not a wall but a building block. Those crazy cells are helping me create in a way. Maybe it is that I don’t have the everyday job worries that I used to have. I can focus on what really matters, my art, my health and my loved ones. (not in that order…. I think) My art flourishes from this disease.
You’ve invested a lot of yourself in the music and arts scene here, and especially through your illness, a lot of the community has invested in you: hosting benefits and awareness events, What does that say about Portland and our music scene?
It has been so overwhelming (in a good way) for my husband and I to have so much support. I have learned that one of the biggest commodities that we have is the Portland Artist/Musician/Business Community. I am so lucky to be a member of the scene. Everyone has been is so generous, so caring, so mindful and so beautiful. We are still trying to go through all the food that was dropped on our doorstep each day for 2 week straight and all of the money that has been donated to us has helped my peace of mind and stopped the bill collectors calls.
I am so thankful for the people that are in my life. And through this devastating time for myself and my family I have drawn so much strength from all of those around me. I want everyone to know what a wonderful place Portland, Maine (and beyond )is to live in. I really think that my diagnosis has been able to help some in the Portland music scene specifically realize that.
Even in the darkest of times for an individual, creativity and love abounds! It simply amazes me, but in the same breath I am not surprised at all. I have been a part of this community since I moved here in Jan 1999. I have done everything in my being to contribute to the creative community as much as possible. And now when I need help, Everyone is here for me, from strangers to my closest.
Portland, Maine should be the model for the rest of this Nation. The Portland Music Scene should feel proud of itself and its strength. Where the Nation falls short and depredated, this community picks up its slack. Even though Portland is a city, It still has much of that small town axiom of taking care of its own. My community has and continues to take care of me and my biggest hope is that I will be able to repay the favor someday.